There is More to Life
For years I struggled in a battle between my head and my heart. Reaching out to others only led to rejection. Trying to be what I thought others wanted me to be only caused frustration and heartache when I didn’t fit into their mold.
As a supervisor, counseling was part of my responsibility. My words of encouragement to one employee in particular, were that she was beautiful, inside and out, and strong. Sadly, I didn’t believe that was true about me. She asked if I went to church, and I said, “No way! Those people are judgmental and I can’t live up to their expectations.” She begged me to go, and I promised I would.
In December of 2010, I fulfilled my promise. During the service, the pastor asked if anyone needed prayer. My eyes were closed and I raised my hand. The next thing I knew I was at the front, accepting Jesus as my Savior. Although I don’t know how I got up there, I believed I was saved. Shortly, my world became more of a mess. Nothing was working. The harder I tried, the more I failed. Everything was falling apart. Though I was saved, I stopped attending church, and tried to put Jesus out of my head and heart. Life had taken such a toll on me that I wanted to kill myself. I went to a hotel, planning to leave this world. I was convinced my kids, employees, boyfriend, and my parents would be better off without me. That didn’t happen, so I returned home the next morning. The next week, a friend shared her faith; and I started reading the Bible she gave me.
Later, I was invited to attend a 4th of July barbecue at her friend’s house, but was really nervous about going, and being judged. The people accepted me for who I was; and they had an uncanny love for Jesus. Before I left that barbecue, the hostess and I were talking and within minutes she was able to understand who I was, and began to pray for me. The tears began to flow and I was overwhelmed with such emotion. It was at this moment I decided to give Jesus another try. As I write this today, problems and struggles still happen; but I deal with them differently. Knowing God loves me drives me to be the woman He created me to be. There are still times when my walk with Jesus is a struggle. Frustration and confusion sometimes happen. The more I study the Bible, attend church, and align myself with people who have the same love for Jesus; the more I find myself living life. I love Jesus with more passion and purpose. All I can say is life with Jesus works! Give it a try; you have nothing to lose, but everything to GAIN!